95 Days to #Vanlife

Every time I create a new blog post I look up how many days until June 1st since that is the first day after my lease is up. This one marks under 100 days. For some reason that really hit me. I had a "Oh shit" moment just now. It's definitely approaching quickly.

I started writing notes in my phone after each day to have a better recollection of my days, thoughts, and feelings. It will probably result in even longer blog posts.. oh well. Maybe I should do them more often? 

A lot happened last weekend. All good things. Starting Friday, my very good friend Forest was in Seattle visiting the Seattle Film Institute and asked if I could meet up for a little bit. Even though I have been extremely busy at work I had to make some time for him. I have known Forest since high school and we have been really close since. We lived together last year but sadly I had only seen him a few times since I moved out. He's one of the goofiest people I know, always cracks me up when I am with him. He's had a tough go the past few years, but he keeps pushing and fighting. I know he will end up in a good place soon. He deserves it.  I started reading (listening to audio books) again. I had slowed down, I think, because I was getting so mentally drained at work that I didn't have enough brain power to pay attention. After listening to the podcast I bought "The Impossible First" and started listening. For whatever reason the lesson I learned from the podcast kind of brought me back mentally. I am tapping into a well of positivity and just feeling great. Seems like James and I are both riding high lately. It has been really sunny out lately.. maybe I had secret seasonal depression? Maybe its me being more purposeful in my life, being in charge of the things the happen instead of just letting things happen to me. Maybe a bit of both. Who knows. I won't question it. 

Saturday was a ton of fun, so much happened. First off, I met up with Colin to go look at a VW vanagon for James and Chey. I'll share some pics below. Hanging out with Colin that morning really made me think about why him and I haven't hung out since the summer. He lives like 15 minutes away from me, there is no excuse not to hangout. He has become a really great friend over the last couple years. Still can't believe we were never really friends back in high school. After the van visit, I went to work for a few hours. I had to leave though because my buddy at work was having a house warming party and some of our friends at work were all coming over. The party was awesome. I got to see some friends who had left the firm over the last year so I haven't seen them really at all since they left. On top of that, hanging out with my friends from work outside of work is always great. We can all really relax and be ourselves. I feel lucky to have all of them and without them the job would be so much different. We spend most of our time with each other so actually liking them is a huge plus. Cori and Paul taught us a new drinking game that is a blast. Can't wait to show everyone. One thing that really bothers me about hanging out with friends from work is that they seem to mostly want to talk or complain about work.. I hate that. I understand it to a point of course, but I feel like we all need an escape from it. I know everyone has an actual life outside of the office. They all have hobbies and goals and friends and families but we never seem to really talk about them. How do you break through to coworkers like that? I was also wondering what the line between work friends and real friends is. Maybe its just all about perspective. By that I mean, some people don't have much going on outside of work so they really only have work friends. Others, like myself, have really close friends outside of work so in my free time I would rather see them than my work friends. But what happens if I leave my job, do those relationships just go away since we only see each other at work? I have been at my job for close to 3 years and some of the people I have seen almost everyday for that whole time. I like to think that those people are real friends and not just work friends. But again, what is the line and how do you bridge the two? 

Sunday I sadly did not work on Tammy.. I had to make up some lost work time from the busy Saturday. Also it was very stormy here so the weather would have been terrible to be outside working on her. I decided to rest and relax at home. I cleaned my room finally, it was bad.. I have been out and about so much for work that everything was just piling up. After cleaning up I felt truly relaxed, I even lit a candle. It was very much needed. It's funny how such simple things can make you feel so good. Don't forget to enjoy the small, simple things in life. 

I think I am going to recap the work week either tomorrow or Sunday. 

103 Days to #Vanlife

I am a little off of my weekly goal for posting. I am realizing waiting longer than a week makes these posts difficult. It's hard to think back more than a week ago to recap what I did and thoughts I have had. Maybe that just means the last week and a half were not that important or impactful. I think I will start writing notes in my phone to help keep everything together.

Last week was very busy at work, I was easily working for close to 70 hours. I traveled to Auburn and Tacoma for some dealership fieldwork. I stayed with Hannah for two nights to avoid all the traffic from driving from Bellevue and also just to spend sometime with her. James and Chey tease us a lot but over the last couple years Hannah has become a really important friend to me. I like picking her brain about different things because she actually engages in deep conversation which I am realizing is hard to find in most people. 

The Friday that week was Valentine's Day and it came and went like any other Friday. That night I started watching the show Ragnarok on Netflix. It was surprisingly super good. It's Norwegian which is something I am not use to seeing on TV. I watched it in Norwegian to get the full experience. The show is an interesting take on the Norse mythology. I watched the whole thing in one weekend.

Saturday I woke and had to run 7 miles for my marathon training. I was a little worried because I hadn't ran over 3 miles since the half marathon I ran in December. After the first 3ish miles I was feeling great and the rest flew by. I then went to work and was there for roughly 10 hours. I left around 7pm. I went home and packed a bunch of clothes because I was going to be in Chehalis for work most of the next week and I always spend my Sunday at my Dad's working on Tammy.

Sunday is always my favorite day. My uncle was over helping my dad poor some concrete in the barn and he is master craftsman for sure. He was also helping me figure out how to do certain thing to the van. He taught me how to make cabinet doors, which are basically picture frames. I was so amazed. The process was pretty simple with the right tools but my brain would not have been able to put it all together on its own. But now I know how to do it and will never forget. It was one of the coolest things I have been taught. I was started to build a box around my battery and the other electrical components. Pictures to follow of course.

Monday through Wednesday I stayed down in Chehalis in a hotel with some co-workers. Luckily the ones who were with me are my favorite to work with. It was actually a lot of fun and is always great to hangout with them outside of a work setting. Brian is one of them and he is a partner, he's 59. He brought some bottles of wine for us all and he really got me into them. I never drink wine but that stuff was so good. He is a huge wine guy and has memberships all over the place. He told me if I ever go wine tasting to reach out to him so he can give me recommendations and to also give the places a call before hand to hook me up. I am hoping to take him up on that offer soon.

Thursday, which is today, I was back in the office. It was kind of nice to be back and see all my friends there. Also I don't know what was special about today but I was in an incredible mood all day. I was upbeat and talkative and just so social. I wish I felt like this everyday. Fingers crossed that it continues.

These last few weeks I have been missing James and Chey a lot. I am so excited for it to be summer and I can go over to Pullman and just hang out for a couple weeks. It's funny, James and I talk every single day and we have been for awhile it seems like. I say that to some people and they are really shocked that it's everyday. We just have so many of the same thoughts and can go off on all these ideas so easily. I am very thankful for that. I don't know if they will ever truly understand how important they are to me. They are truly life changing friends.

A huge topic of today for whatever reason was "fear". It came up multiple times which was bizarre but it's something that I think about a lot and something that I feel like I have a different viewpoint on. So I was talking with my coach at work Kristin. She always tells me about books she is listening to because I am trying to read more and keep adding to my list. She was talking about a book called "Take Control of Your Life" and basically it's about confronting fear and not letting fear control your life. When she was telling me about it I told her that I always say "Don't let fear control your life" that its one of my life mottos and something I tell people often. It was interesting because for her she had never realized that fear does in fact control most people's lives and dictates what people do and don't do. She only came to that conclusion because the lady in the book told her. For me, it was something that I had figured out through my own experiences and also by thinking about why some people talk a lot but never act. It's always "I'm scared this will happen.. or what if this.. or I don't want to mess it up... or that is going to hurt.." All of that prevents people from doing so many things. They aren't living in the present, they are constantly worried about the future. Then James told me to listen to Joe Rogan's recent podcast with Colin O'Brady, and the last like 20-30 minutes of that podcast were life changing. Colin talks about those mindsets. I will try and paraphrase what really stood out to me. He had a scale of 1-10 of how much joy you get out of moments, basically. 1 being a really bad day like the passing of a loved one or just going though immense pain, and 10 being something like achieving a life long dream or goal. He goes on to say that his fear is living a life constantly being in the 4-6 range. He talks about how most people are so afraid of the 1s that they just stay in the 4-6 range, never fully experiencing life. He says that in able to get to the 10s you have to experience the 1s. You get to those life changing experiences not in spite of the 1s but because of the 1s. We have to learn to appreciate and learn from the 1s. This resonated with more than anything in a long time. It reminded me of the kayak trip the boys and I went on. During it we had plenty of 1 moments, but finishing and reaching our goal and even looking back it all, is easily a 10 moment. It was truly life changing. One more thing before I wrap up. While talking to Kristin I realized that my view point on fear is a huge reason I am so calm all the time. My co-workers always comment on how I am never stressed out and just so calm. I think of big part of that is that I'm not scared of most things. I am not scared to try or to fail. I have a desire to learn and try new things. I know failing isn't going to be the end and its one of the best ways to learn. Plus it's not like anything at work is that important in the grand scheme. It was no weight over me.

One last thing that happened yesterday. My Dad finished his classes and got his high school diploma. That is so amazing and I know how much it means to him. It just makes me incredibly happy. Also he finished it so fast... it's crazy. So proud of him.

Picture time!

114 Days to #Vanlife

A lot happened this last week and I am going to try hit everything in order.

Lately I have been questioning what I really want out of life. I had this moment at work early in the week that I can't stop thinking about. I was sitting at my desk working and I just plugged my headphones in so they could charge. I took a second and just took in my surroundings and all I could hear was the constant typing from everyone around me. Then something hit me and in my head I said "What the fuck am I doing here?"I just felt like my life was being wasted there. I'm not adding any value to myself. I'm just inside this cube, I can't even see outside and I am there 10-12 hours a day for 6 days a week. I was so distracted at that point that I reached out to my good friend Cori who sits by me just to express these thoughts. Turns out she has similar thoughts. We talked about how in college you work so hard to get to this point, this career and you think you are going to feel successful and satisfied. We don't even know if we are going to enjoy the job but after putting so much time and effort into getting there you feel like you have to force your way through it. I hated that idea. She said that she always thinks about leaving the city to some small town away from everything and just work at a coffee shop. Honestly that sounds perfect. I always thought I would graduate and move to the city, work hard, and get a nice house there. I realize that I don't want any of that. But so many people have those goals. I wonder if most people actually want those things or if they just think they are suppose to do those things.

Only a day after I had that moment at work I was in a meeting with my team at work. I work mostly in our auto niche and the niche gets together every other week. In this meeting the two people I work with the most, a partner and a principal, gave me extremely high praise for my work and how much I have done for the team. In the last couple years the team has lost a lot of members so things have been tough. I was forced into a role faster than I typically would have to take on. Apparently I am doing a great job. That was honestly really hard to hear, especially after having all of the previously mentioned thoughts. I really respect and enjoy the people on my team. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't still be there. I don't know if that is good or bad. I haven't brought up any concerns to them. I know they are going to try and convince me to stay or offer to make things different so I stay. I don't want them to do that cause I don't think it would matter. I am dreading that conversation when it happens. I would like to stay at the job for a little purely because the money is so good. If I can cut my expenses with the van and just massively save for a little while I think it would be worth it.

On Friday I was out at a client in North Bend with my favorite person to work with. She is my coach and part of the auto team so we work together all the time. When we were leaving at the end of the day she texted me and said "Do you know how much I love working with you? I hope you do, you're my fave." That was really great to hear but it was also so hard to hear because it just made me feel bad. I know that there would be no bad feelings at all between anyone and me if I leave. It's just hard because I know it would make their lives harder at work. Who would want to do that to people they truly respect and value?

My dad and step-mom asked me to watch their house that weekend because they had to go Oregon for a funeral. So Friday night I drove down after work. While I was driving I got a message from my ex's sister. She was asking about some wedding photos that my ex and I had taken for her friend. My ex and I have been broken up for a little over a year at this point and we were together for about two years. We were friends for a long time before that and I have been really close with her family for a long time, but I hadn't spoken to any of them since the break up. I was both nervous and excited to hear from her sister. I found the photos she was asking about and we planned on meeting up Saturday so I could give them to her. So Saturday I drove over to her house, and I was really nervous because I did not know how this was going to go. But she was really happy to see me and we talked for almost 4 hours. Just catching up and going over everything that happened in the past. I never reached out to them because my ex told me none of them wanted to speak to me so I respected that and stayed away. Turns out that was a lie and they were all hurt/surprised I never reached out. That really hurt to hear. But after over a year I feel like I have no place reaching out now. That whole relationship was extremely hard on me. When we first got together it was like a dream come true and I thought I would marry her. I won't speak ill of her but unfortunately being friends and being a couple are not the same thing. I haven't felt like dating at all since then. And I didn't really understand until I had that conversation with her sister. That whole break up was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I completely broke her heart which is just terrible to watch happen, I lost one of my longest friendships, and I lost her whole family who I loved so much. I think I am scared to put myself through something like that again. So I'm working on that.

Saturday night I took my mom and my two sisters out to dinner for my mom's birthday that was earlier in the week. That was really nice and very much needed. I see my dad all the time because the van is at his house so I see him just about every weekend. We also have a lot in common so it's easy to spend a lot of time with him. But I need to see my mom more. She is the best. Just the sweetest most selfless person I know. I worry about her and I want to give her everything she's ever wanted. I just want her to fully enjoy her life. She has not had the best of luck and she deserves so much more. She loves being a mom and does everything for her kids. I am hoping that once I buy some land that I can build her a little place that she doesn't have to pay for, just to take as much stress away as I can.

Finally, Sunday... always the highlight of my week because I get to work on Tammy. This time I got the nails I was missing and assembled the cabinets from last weekend. I also built the second set that will go next to the first ones. I just need to get doors built and the counter top. I think I am going to buy all my water equipment. I am planning on three 5 gallon jugs, two for fresh water and one for grey water. I am also planning on getting a little water pump that I can easily wire up. Also I need to box off my electrical components. After that box is built I can install the flooring. Everything is happening so fast now and its so exciting. Pics below as always.

121 Days to #Vanlife

This week really flew by. I can't believe it's already February. My routine is setting back in so it feels like I am time traveling. This is great for tax season because I need it to fly by, but it sucks for my life. I feel like I am in full quarter life crisis mode. Work feels like a waste of my life, I'm not doing what I really want to do. My head is constantly off in another place yearning to travel and get away. I have a big feeling that once summer happens I will be feeling one hundo percent better. Pray for me until then.

Today was the Superbowl, it was honestly pretty forgettable. The Chiefs beat the 49ners 31-20. I am happy for Mahomes though, that dude can play and deserved this. One thing that was not forgettable was the halftime show. Shakira and J-Lo killed it, but specifically Shakira did this weird tongue thing into the camera during it and it was so funny. I audibly laugh every time I re-watch it. I am going to try and find it so I can attach at the end of the post so I never forget.

I had a bunch of thoughts tonight on my way home that I wanted to write down on here but now that I am here they're all gone. One thing that I have been thinking about a lot lately is my dad. He is going back to get his high school diploma. Which I think is amazing, I am super proud of him. However I do worry about him. Obviously he's doing it because he wants a change in career. He really wants to be a game warden, it's something he has always wanted to do. But he's 47 and becoming a game warden is basically like becoming a police officer. He needs to pass a bunch of physical tests and study a lot to pass the written & oral board. And then go through the academy. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubts that he can do it. My concern is that he is going to get discouraged by all the steps he has to do. He keeps making negative comments in passing about his skills or abilities and I keep telling him to stop being so negative. These things take time and dedication. You have to work for them. He has been applying to jobs with the department of fish and wildlife, not warden but mechanic positions that fit perfectly with what he has been doing for the last 20+ years. It would be awesome for him to just get his foot in that door. I'm really rooting for him. I will update the blog with his progress.

Saturday my dad and I went to Home Depot after I got off work to buy materials to build the cabinets for my kitchen in the van. We didn't really have a plan but just an idea of what would be needed. We ended up buying some 1x2s and 1x3s for the frame and some 1/4in plywood for the sides and doors. I have pictures I will post. Sunday I started building while my dad was doing homework, but he came and helped when he could. He also answered my many questions/ bounced ideas back and forth. I was halted because I did not have long enough nails for the nail gun so I couldn't put all the pieces together. But I do have all the pieces cut and ready to go once I get the nails. Next weekend for sure. I am planning on putting a live edge counter top in. My dads cousin has a mill and builds cabinets for a living so I am hoping to connect with him to get some counter tops cut.

That's all I got for this week. I mostly worked and there's not much to say about that. However this next week I will be upping my workouts to get into marathon shape by June.